There were a couple of issues I had to deal with on day 18, these were; the way I'm perceived on the internet, and the way my credit file has been screwed up by idiots (and the realisation that I could have solved the problem sooner if I'd got off my arse and done something a month ago when I had the chance)
Firstly that internet thing.... There's no two ways of putting this - the online 'persona' that I unleash on many messageboards can seem a little trollish. This is partly because I've, over many years, developed a deliberately over the top, grumpy, reactionary character that I (and a small handful of others) thought was funny whilst causing the vast majority of people to think I was an absolute wanker. Many many times I'd meet people in real life and find myself being told during the evening that they'd thought I would be a total shit and that they were pleasantly surprised by what a thoroughly nice chap I am.
For some reason this amused me greatly for a long time, but recently I've realised that maybe, with this whole 'New Alex' kick going on, it would be healthier for my online 'me' to match my real life 'me'. My wife also pointed out that she wished that the world in general would see me as she does.
The first step I had to take was to shutter the blog I wrote poking fun at various people. Though I never meant a single word I posted on it (well, the personal attack stuff anyway) and saw it merely as a semi amusing exercise in creative swearing, it became increasingly obvious that a lot of people were taking it very seriously indeed...I would go as far as saying that I was genuinely offending many more readers than I'd intended to.
So in the spirit of my attempts to change my life for the better I'll apologise now to anyone who was properly upset by anything posted there, it was meant as satire of the darkest kind and I'm not surprised that many just didn't 'get' it.
The other thing that happened was finding out that my credit file had a couple of random errors on it that led to me being told I couldn't have broadband fitted by Virgin Media in the new flat. I managed to get a default notice removed that RBS had added in error, but I've had no luck at all getting through to Hillesden Securities in Northamptonshire who decided that they should show me paying a zero balance on a closed credit card a month in arrears for 7 months AFTER it was shut down....leading to a 'late payment' mark against me. Absolutely ridiculous.
It's possible that I'll not have a regular internet connection for the first couple of weeks after moving in a couple of days, so be prepared to see fewer posts here for a little while - I'll keep writing the updates, so you'll get a sudden burst of them once I'm back online....
Today (Day 19) has been quiet at work, so quiet that Helen, Michelle, Danielle, Simon, and I ended up setting each other quizzes. We got so good at this that we're entering a team at the work quiz night at the end of February - should be fun.
My confidence has reached the point where I'm starting to try things that I've previously avoided - I know it sounds silly but it was an achievement for me to go into Subway and order a sandwich from them. Sometimes I've found it hard to step out of my comfort zone, so this small step made me feel pretty good (also the sandwich was far better than I expected it to be)
I got home to discover that a replacement car had been procured by my parents, something I'm very grateful for. It's a nice small hatchback Ford, good punchy engine, massive fuel tank (20 litres large than my dead Rover had) - another Good Thing for me to feel good about.
Anyway, that's been about it - things have been good today and full of positive realisation yesterday. To top it off I got the following message from a friend up in Scotland when I logged into MSN earlier -
my clubnight is tonight, and again i want to say thank you for entertaining my sending of jpegs and also for mm just for being you, and for inspiration i guess.. this'd be easier if you were online, i mean, it wouldn't seem so contrived. But i mean it, anyway. I hope you are well. Love, David. x
It's nice to be told I've inspired someone, and that positive note seems to be a good place to end this post.
2 comments:
"it would be healthier for my online 'me' to match my real life 'me'"
I couldn't agree more.
I'm not putting you into this category but one of the things that is really sad is how people treat others when they're not face to face with them.
People act totally different behind the wheel of a car, shouting abuse randomly where as if you bumped into someone in the street you would not react in the same manner.
It's easy to be a bully from behind a screen.
Most of your writing is either brilliant satire or valid criticism which has been vented angrily due to being bombarded by a world of mediocrity.
It's not nice to have people make personal attacks against you but it always says a lot more about the attacker.
Keep up the good work with the blog!
I've always liked your online/fanzine reviews. A good 'bad' review is better than a lukewarm review of a mediocre band any day. Unfortunately people take other people's opinions of their music very seriously indeed (which can be a problem if your music is shit), and the job of the critic is a lonely one.
It's probably one of these type of people who is sending out the negative vibes. Not worth losing sleep over, and I'll miss when goths cry, but a good thing for your balance to acknowledge it upsets people and pull it.
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