Days 24, 25, and 26: house move etc

I can't pretend that I don't hate moving house. I've now done it at least 17 times in my life, most of those moves in the last decade and a half. I have nightmares about moving, of being told that I've got to leave a place within 2 hours and none of my stuff is packed.

I don't mind being in the place once there, it's just all the moving of boxes and packing, and all the other nonsense that goes alongside it, really stresses me out.

So I shouldn't have been surprised when, after 2 and a half hours of trying to make sense of the bomb site that is Kat and I's front room, I burst into tears and had to go and sit in the bedroom for a while. The stress had been building steadily throughout the day, and I'd made the mistake of not bringing my television with me so I felt completely cut off from the world. Add the lack of an internet connection and I found myself feeling very lonely indeed in a flat that was far from being anywhere near homely in a town where I know no-one. Even a few texts to local Birmingham friends turned up nobody who could come over and keep me company.

The feeling of sadness soon passed, and I worked to make sense of what was in the flat. I'll be glad when it's all done though.

The next day was ok, though I was again bored in the evening, eventually watching a couple of movies to pass the time. At least tomorrow I'll be getting more shelves which will allow me to finish unpacking and finally get started on eBaying a lot of my belongings that I no longer need. Also getting unpacked will make the place seem more homely and cleaning the (frankly minging) kitchen will make me more likely to want to set foot in it.

Generally my mood has been ok, but I have had the odd dip into feeling like shit about myself. Mostly it's when I think of how much I wish I could do for my wife and then compare it against how much I can actually do...I don't want to seem like a weak loser who needs propping up all the time....I want to provide for her and treat her the way I feel she deserves to be treated. I'm setting high goals for myself, and I feel that I'm falling short of them.

Anyway, there is some good news to pass on - I got offered a permanent position at work! Must be doing something right :)

Work has been good mostly, I'm getting on great with my colleagues and am starting to feel like I wouldn't mind socialising with some of them outside of work - it's been years since I've felt like that so I'm going to make the most of it.

Other than that, I'm impatient for my broadband to be put in, and wishing I could win the lottery so that money didn't have to be such a constant source of anxiety to me. I hate that I feel like I'm being 'tight' when I'm trying to be the exact opposite.

That's the last couple of days really. I've had blips where I've felt useless, and other moments when I've felt I can get it together pretty well.

I'll leave today with this question - anyone got any good tips for getting nice things on a low income?

(will be back offline for a few days now, will post when I can)